How do you know you'll love her?

"When my best friend heard that my wife and I were planning to adopt, he asked, 'Do you think you will be able to love your child as much as you would if she were your own?'
Those of us who have adopted know that our adopted children are 'our own.' Yet this question posed by my friend revealed a fear that lay within himself, and in the minds of many prospective adoptive parents." -Adoption Advocate No. 68: "Will I Love Her?": Love and Attachment in Adoption

Any of you who are parents biological or adoptive know the fears behind such questions well. You've asked them yourself. You've asked them of yourself. You may have even asked them of your spouse. "Will we love her enough? Will we love her as much as ______? What if I don't feel 'it' right away?" When it came time to decide whether to stick with one child or have more, you asked (or will), "Can we love them equally? Will we have to neglect or slight one to fully love the other? If I love this one child with my whole heart, how can I possibly love the next one the same?" (Because for the mathematical and logical thinkers among us, you only have "one whole" (heart). How do you fully give it to more than one person?)  But, as a parent, you can, I trust, testify now, that yes, you DO love her enough. You do love her as much as _____ (even if you don't feel it right away). And yes, you can love each of them equally, with your whole heart. It's the miracle of love. I believe love is a capacity, not just an emotion. God has given us each such a great capacity for love. Our capacities vary and we are each called to use our capacity in unique ways.

So, when people ask me "How do you know you'll love her?", "What if it's hard?" and "What if she has attachment disorder and can't love you back?" God has given us the capacity to love a child we have never met. We don't know her name, what she looks like, if she's been born yet or who her biological parents are. We don't know if she'll have emotional scarring or special physical needs. We just know that God has known her since BEFORE she was in her mother's womb and has a special purpose for her life (according to Jeremiah 1:5) and that part of his plan for her is to be a Briggs. And, to answer the questions: We know we'll love her because we already do. It WILL be hard, raising any kid is hard. If she can't show her love right away, or even if she doesn't feel it, we'll demonstrate our love for her consistently and constantly until she can and she does. "People with a large capacity to love do not ask what is easier for them, but what is better for those they love."-Adoption Advocate No. 68: "Will I Love Her?": Love and Attachment in Adoption I can almost feel God stretching my "love capacity" with every passing day as I seek His will for the growth of our family.

The article, Adoption Advocate No. 68: "Will I Love Her?": Love and Attachment in Adoption sums it up well. "...Love is always worthwhile, even when we are sacrificing things like time, money, freedom, the ability to live just for ourselves. Love is the most significant legacy we can leave. If this is how you feel, too, then you will love your child."-Adoption Advocate No. 68: "Will I Love Her?": Love and Attachment in Adoption