God often echoes His messages for me in song. I find I am drawn to the throne of My Savior most readily and intimately through the power of music He has inspired. As our adoption journey began and Satan plagued my mind with doubts and fears, God began to infuse my spirit with His strength, His resolve and an assurance of this calling on our lives through Josh Wilson's "I Refuse". He has echoed this song in my presence as the fears and doubts resurface through dreams, on the car radio, even at The Grand Ole Opry. You heard me right. Josh Wilson sang at The Grand Ole Opry this Friday night. The ONE night we've ever been to The Opry and ever may go. The show Bobby bought tickets for back at Christmas, before Josh was booked on the show. God sent Josh Wilson to make his Opry debut and by His divine wisdom had him perform none other than "I Refuse". The only song he sang all night. So here it is, the first song on my Adoption Journey Playlist:
"I Refuse"
Josh Wilson http://www.joshwilsonmusic.com/audio_player?notheme=1
Sometimes I, I just wanna close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
well no they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
like nothin's wrong
But I refuse
cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse, to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose not to move
but I refuse
I can hear the least of these
cryin' out so desperately
and I know we are the hands and feet of You oh God
So if You say move
it's time for me to follow through
and do what I was made to do
and show them who You are
Cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse to sit around
and wait for someone else
to do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose
not to move
but I refuse
to stand and watch the weary and lost
cry out for help
I refuse
to turn my back
and try and act like all is well
I refuse
to stay and change
to wait another day
to die to myself
I refuse
to make one more excuse
cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse
to sit around and wait for someone else
to do what God has called me to do myself
oh I could choose
not to move
but I refuse
I refuse
I refuse
yeah
And act like everyone's alright
well no they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
like nothin's wrong
But I refuse
cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse, to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose not to move
but I refuse
I can hear the least of these
cryin' out so desperately
and I know we are the hands and feet of You oh God
So if You say move
it's time for me to follow through
and do what I was made to do
and show them who You are
Cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse to sit around
and wait for someone else
to do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose
not to move
but I refuse
to stand and watch the weary and lost
cry out for help
I refuse
to turn my back
and try and act like all is well
I refuse
to stay and change
to wait another day
to die to myself
I refuse
to make one more excuse
cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse
to sit around and wait for someone else
to do what God has called me to do myself
oh I could choose
not to move
but I refuse
I refuse
I refuse
yeah
Yesterday as I traveled home from a Ladies' Night Out at the church, this song played on the radio. It is not an unfamiliar song and they play it regularly, but last night, God spoke straight to my heart; He used the words of the song to reassure me He knows the cries of my heart. He knows my tendency to want control and all the answers. He knows that I see the end goal and have this inner drive that propels me forward, often without the necessary patience or wisdom, seeking the prize and denying any merit in the obstacles and hindrances in my path. I barrel ahead, forgetting that "I can't do this on my own" and I need to "finally let go", surrendering it all completely. He has always used the obstacles, the hindrances, confusion and seeming chaos to put us (Bobby and I) in EXACTLY the right place at EXACTLY the right time for EXACTLY the right reason-- His ultimate Glory and magnification. He's never failed before. I need to stop wishing away the obstacles. Here is the second song on my playlist (that we sang with the precious children in Sunday School this morning-- a sacred echo):
"Help Me Find It"
Sidewalk Prophets http://www.klove.com/music/artists/sidewalk-prophets/songs/help-me-find-it-lyrics.aspx
I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own
I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go
I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You
[Chorus:]
If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it
I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone
Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go
I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You
[Chorus]
I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again)
Have Your way my King (I give my all to You)
I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see)
‘Cause You are all I need
[Chorus]
Then, this morning on the way to church, I heard these very familiar words and started to tune them out. But something stirred in me just as my mind started to grumble against the familiarity and "lackluster" of such a well-known song, "Strength will rise as we WAIT UPON THE LORD...". As we "what, Jaime"? "Wait upon the Lord." He dismissed my apathy towards the lyrics and brought the truth to life in my heart. It was the first song we sang in church this morning. He will give us strength for this journey as we wait at each juncture, at every obstacle and in each step we journey forward. He reigns over this journey and all of time. He defends and comforts our weak, helpless daughter in Poland even as He does for us while we watch, pray and wait to bring her home. And then, as you may have guessed, he echoed it just to be sure I got the message loud and clear. The third song on my playlist:
"Everlasting God"
Chris Tomlin
http://www.christomlin.com/music/see-the-morning
[Chorus:]
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagle
[Chorus]
What songs would be on your journey's playlist? Maybe you're not adopting, but God is leading you on a journey no matter what it may be. What is He echoing to your heart? Listen closely. I promise, He'll whisper it again. :)
Wow. Wait till you read what God had waiting for me for today (Feb 9) in my devotional book (Jesus Calling) that I read just after I typed up this post:
"Seek My Face more and more. You are really just beginning your journey of intimacy with Me. It is not an easy road, but it is a delightful and privileged way: a treasure hunt. I am the Treasure, and the Glory of My Presence glistens and shimmers along the way. Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage with a tenderness you can hardly imagine. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts. Trust Me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song. Psalm 27:8; 2 Corinthians 4:7; Isaiah 12:2"
If you're still reading and want to know specifically what's been happening most recently and what you can specifically pray for, we have selected a home study agency after determining that it was not legal, in MS, for us to have an individual LSW do it for us. I completed the application minus maybe 2 blanks I had questions for the SW on and the questionnaire Bobby had to complete for himself. My hope was to have it in the mail first thing that next morning (Wednesday). But, Bobby hadn't completed his portion. Wednesday afternoon he completed it only for me to realize I hadn't asked him to sign the other three documents that required his signature. Then, once that was complete and I had it in the car to take by the Post Office, I glanced over everything one final time to discover that I needed individual photos of each family member, as well as a copy of each birth certificate and our marriage license to accompany the forms I had completed. (I'm certain I knew this before re-reading the application but had forgotten.) I took the entire envelope and certified copies of all the necessary certificates with us to Nashville and paid an outrageous amount to have color copies made at the FedEx store IN the Gaylord Opryland Hotel so I could mail it before end of day Friday. The FedEx employee returned my birth certificate, pointing to the bottom of the page where it reads, "Do Not Duplicate By Any Means", and explained that he could not legally copy it for me. AHHHHHHH!!! Why can't I just get this silly application in the mail so we can move forward with this home study-- the biggest obstacle currently between us and a completed Dossier?! It's Sunday now and I've made a black and white copy of my ORIGINAL birth certificate and have the envelope ready to mail. God knows what tomorrow holds for this application and its journey to the final destination.
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